Filed under: Nutrition, Thoughts and Observations | Tags: binge, eating, much, my, sabotaging, success, too, way
I’ll admit it. I’ve never had it.
I’ll be playing racquetball and I’ll get to where I’m ahead 12-4 and I’ll just coast. I’ve lost more games where I was ahead 12-4 because all of a sudden my opponent gets mad, competitive, whatever, and comes roaring back – I’ve lost my momentum and by the time I’ve got it back he’s doing a little victory dance.
I had that killer instinct for a while as a freelance artist – but one day I realized I was causing stress and pain in my life and my families lives by stressing over details my clients didn’t even realize were there. I was so focused on “perfection” that I was adding stuff to my work that made no difference to my clients. So I went to this mode of “work-feedback-work-feedback” and when the client says they love it, I do three or four more things (that the client knows about) to make it even better, and call it good.
As I’ve aged I’ve become more comfortable with who I am. If my lawn isn’t offensive, that’s good enough. I no longer need to feel like I’m working to have the best lawn on the block…
So I find that I’m completely off the wagon for weight loss. I was at IFA (Intermountain Farmers Association) last night pricing chickens and buying seed for the garden. As I’m checking out I see Boston Baked Beans and Circus Peanuts – large bags of them – next to the check out. I’m overcome with a wave of nostalgia and buy them to share with the boys after we’ve finished our garden planting for the night.
The Boston Baked Beans never made it to my house. When I finished the bag I looked and realized I’d just eaten 1400 calories as I drove home.
Yesterday after lunch I HAD to have a cookie. So I got one of those Grandma B Sugar Cookies – like 520 calories per cookie.
See, I’m completely out of control.
On my way to work this morning I realized that it all started when I realized I had lost weight at the doctor – the very next day I was eating more, exercising less…
Just like racquetball – once I get ahead I start to coast?
It occurred to me that I’m sabotaging my success. Something in my still doesn’t want to be in shape, healthy. As I type this I think it might be true. What is it I’m afraid of?
It’s a disturbing thought. Wonder how I proceed…
P.S. I have to give myself props for at least being aware of the calories, of being aware of what I’m doing.
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Doug Losing Weight 
I swear we are always on the same page of thinking. I have been feeling pretty good. I had dropped 5 pounds and I was happy. So I was at the store the other day and they have a new m&m. A pretzel one. I bought the large bag and ate it the whole thing in 2 days. I didn’t share with anyone. I totally sabotage myself. Why do we do it? I want to be thin so bad and I know the logic less calories in more out. I just don’t understand why when we do so well we think we have a pass for a little bit. When you figure it out please let me know. I have been thinking about it for years and can’t figure it out.
Comment by julie Doddridge May 18, 2010 @ 11:58 am