Doug Losing Weight


Time to Start Counting
May 5, 2010, 6:42 pm
Filed under: Nutrition, Thoughts and Observations | Tags: , , , , , , ,

Ok.  One more week closer to the end of the Biggest Loser, and I heard it again.  In fact, of the whole show I remember them being so inspirational to the participants in the 5k, and this one quote…

“You have to count every calorie that goes into you”.

Bob was talking to a woman that needed to lose five more pounds to get to her goal, but it seems like every time I watch the show, I hear that phrase in one way or another.

Generally I’ve found in life that when one certain thing keeps making itself “heard”, keeps making itself manifest to me, it tends to be an answer to some question I have, or don’t know I have yet…

Did that make sense?

Well my delete key is broken, so I’m not going to edit it.  But what I’m saying is I think the fact that I keep hearing “count calories” in my life, and I’m on this quest to find a way to lose this weight…  well I’m taking it as a sign.

I think I’ll go back to http://www.myfooddiary.com/ and pay the $9 a month.  I don’t love it, but I hate everything else I’ve tried.  In the past it’s helped to regulate my food intake when I’m keeping track of everything going into me.  At least I can go back and see my history and where I need to do better.

I know what you’re thinking – c’mon Doug, can you really count calories for the rest of your life?

I hear you.  The way I see it is I need to really slow down, take a look at what I’m doing, and start to form some new habits.  Once the new habits are formed, I’ll take off the training wheels and try to live like a big boy again.

Until then, I start logging what I eat.

Now what would really be interesting is if I could take a Facebook approach to this.  That is publish my food diary for the world to see.  I wonder if I’d think twice about those pop tarts when I knew that all four of you that read this would see it –

I suppose I could just add it to the blog, but that would be a pretty intensely boring blog I must say…

Off to log my calories for the day…

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Let the Food Measuring Begin…
April 5, 2010, 2:39 pm
Filed under: Thoughts and Observations | Tags: , , , , ,

Christine posted this as her Facebook status:

“the vet told me that my Pug needs to lose 12 pounds; she weighed in at nearly 38 pounds. no wonder I can barely lift her anymore. let the food measuring begin…”

That’s an interesting way to look at what I’m doing, isn’t it?  Food measuring…

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The Void
April 5, 2010, 11:03 am
Filed under: Thoughts and Observations | Tags: , , , ,

Voids are tricky business – Any vacuum is I suppose.  You create the vacuum and it’s not going to stay empty for long, something has to fill it!  Something is going to come rushing back in…

So I am a member of this religion – a prevalent religion in Utah – and they announce that they would prefer that we not refer to people who are not members of our religion as “non-members” any more.  That’s it.  Please stop calling them “non-members”.

Now we’ve been calling them that for at least the 47 years of my life – I don’t consider it derogatory in any way, it’s just simply a fact.  I wonder what the Elks Lodge call people who aren’t a member of their lodge?

But the leadership of the church didn’t give us anything to fill that void with.  They didn’t give us a term to use instead.  They created this vacuum of what used to be, but they didn’t give us anything to replace it with, nothing to fill the void with.  So guess what most people are still calling non-members?

I became acutely aware over the weekend of the void food leaves.  As I became overweight all of my habits started revolving around food.  I’m still shocked to realize how often I think about where a convenience store is along my travels “just in case” I need to stop for a snack…

So along comes Isagenix and Christine and they tell me “just drink this shake”, then no more food until lunch.  Then no more food until dinner when you can have another shake…

People.  That is a HUGE void.  You take the time I used to spend getting food, and eating food, and remove those activities, I’ve got an extra couple hours a day to fill…

And the thinking.  I find if I think about food when I’m not eating it, miss the food that has left the void, when I finally get around the food – well it’s out of control.  The food comes rushing back into the void, and fills the void and my stomach to overflowing…

So I end the weekend with this question.  How do I fill the void?  What do I fill it with?  I’ve got to start thinking about something other than missing food – it creates a vacuum that is just too strong…

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A Day in a Dim Gym
April 4, 2010, 9:20 am
Filed under: Thoughts and Observations | Tags: , ,

Is it just me, or are the high school gyms of the world getting dimmer?  It seems like the gym in my high school days was as bright as a spring day, but this place we were in yesterday was yellow, dingy.  One of the biggest schools in the state, you’d think they only paid half of their electric bill though, so everything was dimmed.

I was there for Winter Guard State Finals.  We had no schedule so we showed up at the start so we’d be sure to see my son perform with his school.  So I got to sit for hours in that place, watching all manner of flag and gun twirling, ah it was a feast for the senses.

I had eaten a great lunch just an hour before – Applebee’s had a great 550 calorie menu.  I was pleased with my choice and not hungry in the least.

But I was bored.

Oh. So. Bored.

So I had time to sit there and count how often my thoughts turned to the refreshment concessions.  About 1,000 times a minute I considered going down the stairs and just “looking” at what they had.  I knew it was nothing I should be around.  So I sat (whoever designs bleachers does NOT design them for a human bottom – I’m just saying) and counted and wondered how long until I could leave.

I was completely surprised though, at how frequently and persistent my thoughts for food are.  Maybe that’s why this is hard.

So what else do people think about?

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Scarcity
March 25, 2010, 5:13 pm
Filed under: isagenix, Nutrition | Tags: , , , , , ,

I have to tell you right up front, this one is a tough one to write.  I’m hoping by writing about it I can get a grasp on what is happening.  So you, my dear reader, are my digital therapist.  Once I spill it you can leave a comment solving my problem, giving me new “tools” to cope with it, and then send me an invoice.

———

We’ve taught the kids to cook.  My youngest is 14 now, oldest still living at home is 20.  Four of them, all great cooks.  This works great for dinners, my wife only cooks a couple of times a week for dinner, the rest of the nights one of the kids is in charge of cooking it.  I hope it serves my children well for the rest of their lives.

Now here’s the downside.  One of them will come home from school, decide the snacks available are not satisfactory, and they will whip up a batch of cookies.  Not a small batch, they usually double the recipe.  So I walk in and the house smells like fresh cookies, and there are four or five dozen fresh cookies on the counter, and a bowl of cookie dough…

Can I just say here that cookies are my weakness?  They are.  I can easily eat four dozen, maybe more.  This is not an exaggeration.

So I come home, there’s cookies, there’s dough.  I eat some.  I can live with that.  It only happens a couple of times a month.  I’ll get through it.

The issue comes three days later…

I get up in the morning and go into the pantry to get my Isagenix shake supplies.  While I’m in there I have to look down so I don’t step on the potatoes, and as I look back up what do I see?  Well you’ve probably guessed – it’s a giant plastic storage tub with the rest of the cookies in it…

Do you watch Survivor?  Have you seen what those people act like when they have been out for 20 days and see a cookie, or a Coke, or a hot dog?  That’s me standing in the pantry staring at my new found secret like some sort of Pavlovian dog…

If I had been walking for a week in the desert, came upon a table with cookies, and knew that I had to walk another week before I saw food again – it’s kind of like that.

But really, and here’s the most disturbing thing for me to admit, I’m not sure it’s about scarcity.  I guess in my mind I think (more like feel, these aren’t conscious thoughts, just gut instinct reaction) “If I don’t eat these now, there won’t be any later.  Those BOYS will get them”.  Hmmm, that sounds like it’s scarcity huh.

I tell myself “just drink the shake, you’ll be fine once you get the shake in you”.

I walk out of the pantry, shake supplies in one arm, the cookie bin in the other.  Before the shake is done, EIGHT cookies have gone into me.  And I don’t understand why.  It’s frustrating enough that I can feel the hurt and disappointment as I type about it.

So before my day begins, before I even have one sip of good nutrition, I’ve put a bazillion calories in me.  Empty, non-nutritious, DELICIOUS calories.  I can’t even say “I’ll work it off at the gym” because I can’t go right now…

And I feel like my day is blown before I even get started.

Other times I’ll hide the food (usually some sweet “found” snack) and sneak off to my room, my office, my car where I can eat without anyone seeing.  I plan trips so I have to stop by a convenience store to get gas, and 4 for $2 candy bars.  I eat them all.  They might be the last ones I ever get to eat in my whole life – remember these are feelings, not rational thoughts.

Man that’s hard to admit in public.  My actions are like some kind of insane person who may never get to eat this kind of stuff again – so hoard it, eat it, before you head into the wilderness of bland tasting food/shakes for the rest of your days on this earth…

I know, it doesn’t have to all be bland.  But it feels like it has to be non-sweet, non-snack.  And I’m just so emotionally tied to that snacking.  Remember what I said about vending machines?  As soon as life gets tough, I’m looking for the snack.

So there you have it.  There’s the big rub.  There’s my giant fear when it comes to spending hundreds of dollars on specialty shakes to help me lose weight.  Because even when I’m “on the program” if I  discover hidden treasure I’m plundering like there’s no tomorrow.  If I can’t get that under control I don’t know how I’ll ever lose the weight.  I have little faith that if I do lose it, it will stay off.

And I don’t know where it comes from.  I don’t know why I feel that way.  I don’t understand why when my brain says “leave it alone” I end up with eight cookies in my mouth before breakfast.

How do I tell my brain that there is abundance, I don’t have to hoard/consume everything I accidentally find.

I think this whole issue is it…  the source of all my doubt as to whether I can really do this.  I just can’t trust myself.  That’s a sad commentary on where I’ve ended up.  I promise to keep looking for a way back.

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