Filed under: General Whining
Something happened. I wish I could tell you what it is.
I just lost all motivation this week. I’m clinging onto the plan with my fingernails, but I think I’m gaining weight again…
First of all I feel terrible. Exhausted, achey, and all the time. My joints hurt, blah blah blah. “Suck it up, feel the pain and do it anyway” is what I think when I turn my alarm off and go back to sleep. And the fevers are killing me!
All night long freezing like I might not ever be warm again, then throwing the blankets off 10 minutes later. All night long. It produces spectacular dreams – that I forget very soon after awaking. Maybe I should do another blog about the dreams my fever induces?
I know, I know. Go to the doctor. I did. He fired me. He was very nice about it. He said he’d run every test that he could think of, they all have come back negative, and he wouldn’t be offended if I went to get a second opinion. See? Fired.
The real problem is eating helps. Today right before lunch I was seriously thinking of packing it in for the day and coming home and going back to bed. But a burrito at Barbacoa (so good!) and I was back in the saddle – an apple and an orange kept me feeling pretty good through the afternoon, but by the time I got home…
And of course there’s a can of peanuts sitting out – so I eat a handful and feel better for a while longer…
Now here’s the really hard part…
I love making video – I’ve done it ever so long. Animation, special effects, re-lighting scenes, love it! I don’t get to do nearly enough of that kind of work at my job, so I freelance. The place I freelance is Metropolis.
I had an office in Metropolis for 10 years. We had the feeling that if a client was coming in to pay $150 – $300/hr (depending on the room they were in) we should be very nice to them. Food = nice. So there were jars of candy bars, cupboards of snack, a cooler full of drinks… get the picture?
When I work I work very hard to tell the computer what I want it to do, then I “render”. This is a process where the computer goes through my work and creates video out of it, frame by frame. Sometimes a render is 5 minutes, sometimes it’s 12 hours. It’s those 15 minute ones that have killed me. Fifteen minutes is just long enough to be bored, just long enough to run and get a treat of some kind. So my conditioning, for ten years, is when I’m at Metropolis – I eat.
So I ended up at Metropolis last night, far away from my Isagenix shake for the evening. Of course they bring in pizza. I opt for healthy crackers (whole grain) and look for a bottle of water. Nope. Metropolis doesn’t buy bottled water any more. So to drink I have to walk to the end of the hallway, fill up a dixie cup with one swallow of water, drink, and repeat. No water! This is not going well.
Well, I ended up being there for 6 hours. Crackers and sips of water only last so long, and soon it turned into pizza and soda. I drank the real soda because it’s SO much better for you…
I felt terrible driving home. I feel terrible now telling you this. I was doing so well.
So feeling crappy makes me sad. Sad makes me want to eat. Eating helps me feel a little better physically. But feeling crappy has kept me out of the gym all week – and my conditioning and lack of preparedness really got me last night.
Sigh.
I guess I just keep going. Put the wheels back on and start again…
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Doug Losing Weight 